Risk and Rewards

Hey there,

Since my turning of the tide post the other day, I have yet to really get everything done in a day I want to get done . Not so funny. Anyway, I really wanted to go sarging tonight but I decided that since it's become such a big part of my life--my obsession, that I need to make it into a reward for getting my other shit done rather than the center of which all other aspects of my life revolve.

That being said, I started re-reading the Power of Now. I want to work hard on entering into that state where I feel completely centered. One time, about a year and four months ago, i experienced it while I had been reading the book and trying to practice it's ideas for several weeks. I was walking down the street and all of a sudden I felt an intense feeling of joy overcome my body. It felt like being in love, but I wasn't in love. Ever since then, I've wanted it back. And now that I'm focused on sarging, I think it will really help my game to improve.

I had an interesting breakthrough today. I realized that the tormentor voice inside my head DOES exist, but is layered so deep that I didn't know it existed until today. The voice belongs to my ex girlfriend who I let break my heart a couple of years ago.

It's weird making that realization, but I've had dreams about her every month or two for the last year. We've been broken up for two. I don't talk to her. Anyway, now that I have identified that, I can start to work on eradicating the negative feelings associated with that person's memory. I'm pretty happy about it.

Anyway, back to work.

Shambles